9 Ways to Be Heard: Enneagram Secrets for Impactful Communication
Fri Sep 06 2024
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling misunderstood or frustrated?
Perhaps you’ve wondered why your well-intentioned words didn’t land as expected. You’re not alone. Communication is a complex dance, and understanding the Enneagram can be your guide to mastering its rhythms.
Whether you’re here to improve workplace connections, enhance relationships, or explore how personality affects communication, this guide will take you on a journey through the Enneagram types. You’ll gain insights into your own communication style and those of others around you.
”You can’t change how you see—you can only change what you do with how you see.” - Suzanne Stabile, “The Path Between Us”
The Enneagram offers a window into our motivations, fears, and behaviors, helping us navigate the world more easily. As we explore each type, imagine various scenarios - a team meeting, a heart-to-heart with a friend, or a family gathering. How might each type’s communication style play out? And more importantly, how might your own style interact with theirs?
Remember: Each Enneagram type has a unique worldview and approach to life. Approaching others with empathy and understanding, regardless of their type, is key to effective communication.
Let’s dive into how to communicate and interact effectively with each Enneagram type.
How Each Enneagram Type Communicates
Enneagram 1 Communication
Ones are principled, ethical, and perfectionistic. They value order, structure, and correctness. Being direct, precise, and respectful is essential when communicating with Ones. Avoid being confrontational or critical, as Ones can be sensitive to criticism. Focus on solutions and constructive feedback rather than dwelling on mistakes or flaws. Ones appreciate when others are honest and straightforward with them, so be authentic and genuine in your communication.
Inner Dialogue of Type 1: As a Type 1 communicates, they might be thinking: “Is this the most correct way to express my thoughts? Am I being fair and objective? How can I improve this interaction?” Understanding these inner concerns can help you navigate conversations with Type 1 individuals more effectively.
- Motivation: Integrity and correctness.
- Fear: Being corrupt/evil, imbalanced.
- Communication Style: Precise, values-driven, sometimes critical.
- Empathy Pointer: Appreciate their desire for improvement and order.
As we move from the structured world of Type 1 to the warm, people-oriented realm of Type 2, notice how the focus shifts from correctness to connection. This transition illustrates the beautiful diversity of human communication and the importance of adapting our approach.
Enneagram 2 Communication
Twos are caring, generous, and empathetic. They value relationships and are driven by a desire to help others. When communicating with Twos, it’s essential to acknowledge their efforts and contributions. Listen actively and show appreciation for their support and assistance. Avoid being dismissive or taking advantage of their kindness. Be sensitive to their emotional needs, as Twos can be easily hurt by rejection or criticism.
Inner Dialogue of Type 2: A Type 2 might be thinking: “How can I help this person? Do they appreciate my efforts? Am I needed and valued in this interaction?” Recognizing these underlying thoughts can help you engage more meaningfully with Type 2 individuals.
- Motivation: Being loved, helping others.
- Fear: Being unwanted, unloved.
- Communication Style: Warm, supportive, can struggle with directness.
- Empathy Pointer: Acknowledge their contributions and need for appreciation.
As we transition from the heart-centered approach of Type 2 to the achievement-oriented world of Type 3, observe how the communication style shifts from emotional support to results-driven dialogue.
Enneagram 3 Communication
Threes are ambitious, competitive, and driven. They value success, recognition, and accomplishment. When communicating with Threes, being concise, focused, and results-oriented is essential. Avoid being too emotional or personal, as Threes prefer keeping things professional. Support and encourage their goals and aspirations, and offer feedback that helps them achieve their objectives. Recognize their accomplishments and celebrate their successes.
Inner Dialogue of Type 3: A Type 3 might be thinking: “How can I present this information most effectively? Am I making a good impression? How does this contribute to our success?” Understanding this mindset can help you engage with Type 3s in a way that resonates with their goal-oriented nature.
- Motivation: Achieving success, being admired.
- Fear: Worthlessness, failure.
- Communication Style: Efficient, goal-focused, sometimes image-conscious.
- Empathy Pointer: Recognize their achievements and authenticity.
As we shift from the achievement-focused world of Type 3 to the introspective realm of Type 4, notice how the communication style transforms from outward success to inner authenticity and depth.
Enneagram 4 Communication
Fours are creative, expressive, and introspective. They value authenticity, originality, and uniqueness. Being empathetic, understanding, and open-minded is essential when communicating with Fours. Avoid being dismissive or judgmental of their emotions or opinions. Be willing to explore different perspectives and approaches and encourage them to express themselves creatively. Recognize their unique contributions and appreciate their creativity and insight.
Inner Dialogue of Type 4: A Type 4 might be thinking: “Does this person understand the depth of what I’m feeling? Am I expressing my true self? Is my unique perspective being valued?” Recognizing these inner questions can help you connect more authentically with Type 4 individuals.
- Motivation: Identity, significance.
- Fear: Having no identity or personal significance.
- Communication Style: Emotional, expressive, seeks depth.
- Empathy Pointer: Validate their feelings and uniqueness.
As we move from the emotionally rich world of Type 4 to the intellectually curious realm of Type 5, observe how the communication focus shifts from expressing feelings to exchanging ideas and information.
Enneagram 5 Communication
Fives are analytical, independent, and private. They value knowledge, expertise, and autonomy. When communicating with Fives, being respectful, patient, and non-intrusive is essential. Avoid being too emotional or personal, as Fives prefer to keep things logical and objective. Be willing to engage in deep, thoughtful conversations, and allow them the space and time to process information. Recognize their expertise and respect their need for privacy and solitude.
Inner Dialogue of Type 5: A Type 5 might be thinking: “Is this information accurate and comprehensive? Do I have enough knowledge to contribute meaningfully? Am I being given the space to process this?” Understanding these internal processes can help you engage more effectively with Type 5 individuals.
- Motivation: Knowledge, competence.
- Fear: Uselessness, incapability.
- Communication Style: Analytical, reserved, curious.
- Empathy Pointer: Respect their need for independence and thought.
As we transition from the cerebral world of Type 5 to the security-seeking realm of Type 6, notice how the communication style shifts from detached analysis to engaged problem-solving and alliance-building.
Enneagram 6 Communication
Sixes are loyal, responsible, and anxious. They value security, stability, and support. Being reassuring, trustworthy, and supportive is essential when communicating with Sixes. Avoid being too critical or judgmental, as Sixes can be sensitive to perceived threats. Provide them with clear expectations and guidelines, and communicate consistently. Recognize their loyalty and commitment, and appreciate their reliability and dependability.
Inner Dialogue of Type 6: A Type 6 might be thinking: “Can I trust this person? What potential problems should we anticipate? How can we ensure everyone’s safety and security?” Recognizing these underlying concerns can help you build trust and rapport with Type 6 individuals.
- Motivation: Security, support.
- Fear: Abandonment, lack of support.
- Communication Style: Loyal, questioning, can be anxious.
- Empathy Pointer: Build trust and offer reassurance.
As we move from the cautious, security-focused world of Type 6 to the enthusiastic, adventure-seeking realm of Type 7, observe how the communication style transforms from seeking reassurance to exploring possibilities.
Enneagram 7 Communication
Sevens are enthusiastic, spontaneous, and adventurous. They value freedom, variety, and excitement. When communicating with Sevens, being upbeat, positive, and engaging is essential. Avoid being too serious or negative, as Sevens can become bored or disinterested. Be willing to explore new ideas and experiences, and encourage them to be creative and imaginative. Recognize their optimism and energy, and appreciate their sense of fun and adventure.
Inner Dialogue of Type 7: A Type 7 might be thinking: “What exciting possibilities does this conversation open up? How can we make this more fun and engaging? What new experiences might come from this?” Understanding this mindset can help you keep Type 7s engaged and enthusiastic in your interactions.
- Motivation: Satisfaction, experiences.
- Fear: Deprivation, pain.
- Communication Style: Optimistic, scattered, enthusiastic.
- Empathy Pointer: Engage their ideas and zest for life.
As we shift from the high-energy, possibility-filled world of Type 7 to the powerful, assertive realm of Type 8, notice how the communication style changes from enthusiastic exploration to direct, action-oriented dialogue.
Enneagram 8 Communication
Eights are powerful, assertive, and confrontational. They value strength, control, and autonomy. Being direct, confident, and assertive is essential when communicating with Eights. Avoid being passive or weak, as Eights can become impatient or dismissive. Be willing to engage in honest, straightforward conversations and provide them with clear expectations and boundaries. Recognize their leadership and courage, and appreciate their strength and determination.
Inner Dialogue of Type 8: An Eight might be thinking: “Is this person being straight with me? How can we take decisive action on this? Am I protecting those who need protection?” Recognizing these internal questions can help you engage more effectively with Type 8 individuals, meeting their need for directness and action.
- Motivation: Self-control, protecting others.
- Fear: Being harmed or controlled by others.
- Communication Style: Direct, confrontational, protective.
- Empathy Pointer: Acknowledge their strength and vulnerability.
As we move from the intense, action-oriented world of Type 8 to the peaceful, harmony-seeking realm of Type 9, observe how the communication style transforms from assertive directness to gentle, inclusive dialogue.
Enneagram 9 Communication
Nines are peaceful, accommodating, and harmonious. They value unity, cooperation, and tranquility. Being calm, patient, and understanding is essential when communicating with Nines. Avoid being too demanding or confrontational, as Nines can become passive or avoidant. Be willing to listen actively and show appreciation for their perspective and input. Recognize their diplomacy and mediation skills and appreciate their ability to unite people.
Inner Dialogue of Type 9: A Nine might be thinking: “How can I maintain peace in this situation? Am I considering everyone’s perspectives? How can I avoid conflict while still expressing my thoughts?” Understanding these internal processes can help you create a comfortable space for Nines to express themselves more fully.
- Motivation: Peace, harmony.
- Fear: Loss, separation.
- Communication Style: Agreeable, passive, sometimes indirect.
- Empathy Pointer: Encourage self-expression and personal stance.
The Dance of Communication: When Types Interact
Communication rarely happens in a vacuum. Let’s explore how different types might interact simultaneously:
Imagine a team meeting with a Type 3 presenter, a Type 5 analyst, and a Type 2 mediator. As the Type 3 confidently delivers results, they’re internally gauging the room’s reaction, seeking validation of their success. The Type 5 is silently critiquing the data’s depth, formulating questions to fill gaps in their understanding. Meanwhile, the Type 2 is reading the emotional temperature of the room, ready to smooth any tensions and ensure everyone feels heard.
In this scenario, three distinct communication styles are at play simultaneously:
- The Type 3 is focused on efficient, results-oriented communication.
- The Type 5 is engaged in analytical, depth-seeking dialogue.
- The Type 2 is attuned to emotional undercurrents and interpersonal dynamics.
Understanding these simultaneous processes can help us navigate complex social situations more effectively, adapting our communication style to meet diverse needs within a single interaction.
Wrapping Up
As we’ve journeyed through the Enneagram types, you’ve gained insight into the simultaneous streams of thought and emotion that flow through every interaction. Whether you entered this guide seeking to understand yourself better or to connect more deeply with others, you now have a map to navigate the rich landscape of human communication.
Remember, effective communication isn’t about perfection—it’s about awareness and adaptation. As you leave this page, carry with you the understanding that in every conversation, multiple realities are unfolding at once. Your newfound knowledge of the Enneagram will help you tune into these frequencies, creating more harmonious and fulfilling interactions in all areas of your life.
By recognizing each Enneagram type’s unique approach to communication, we can learn how to interact with people of different types effectively. As you practice these insights in your daily life, you may find yourself becoming a more empathetic listener, a clearer communicator, and a more understanding partner, friend, or colleague.
For a deeper dive, check out our blogs on practical Enneagram communication tips and each Enneagram type’s communication style. These resources can provide valuable insights and strategies for building empathy, understanding, and connection in all your relationships. As Suzanne Stabile writes in “The Path Between Us,”
”All relationships—those that truly matter and even those that don’t—require translation. And if our interest in relational growth and transformation is sincere, then the Enneagram is one of the most helpful translation tools available.”
Remember that every interaction is an opportunity to practice empathy, understanding, and genuine connection.