Enneagram Types on a first date

DJ Wayne djwayne3 Twitter Sun Jul 30 2023

Ever get a little nervous before a first date? You're not alone. There is so much going on for a person before and during a first date. In this blog, we journey into each Enneagram type's mindset for a first date. We will look at how each type prepares, what they likely feel, and what are their unique takes on dating red flags and green signals.

greek statues on a first date

This isn’t a foolproof dating guide. It’s a lens to understand and empathize with your date - or even yourself - better. Dive in, and let’s decode the dance of dating, starting with Type 1, The Perfectionist…

Enneagram Type 1: The Perfectionist

The Perfectionist, with their strong desire for order and rightness, is a meticulous planner. They approach their first date with a clear set of expectations, perhaps even an ideal image of how it should go. They’re likely to spend a lot of time choosing the perfect location, and their thoughts are focused on making the best impression possible. They might feel a mix of excitement and nervousness, the latter stemming from their fear of making a mistake or being imperfect. However, their genuine desire to do things right usually wins over any anxious feelings.

Their preparation often includes thorough grooming, rehearsing conversation topics, and even planning for contingencies. They are careful with their appearance, striving to look presentable but not overly flashy. Their conversation topics might lean towards societal issues, morals, or personal achievements, as they love sharing their vision of a better world.

Red Flags

If a Perfectionist hears phrases like “I usually wing it” or “I don’t care about rules,” it can be a significant warning sign, as it implies a lack of organization and discipline. Type 1s value responsibility and might perceive such an attitude as careless.

Good Signals

On the other hand, statements like “I appreciate your attention to detail” or “I also strive to improve” can be heartening. These show respect for their principles and an alignment with their constant drive for self-improvement.

More on type 1

Enneagram Type 2: The Helper

The Helper, known for their warm-hearted nature, gears up for a first date with empathy and connection in mind. They are often in tune with others’ needs and think extensively about how to make their date feel comfortable and appreciated. They might feel a rush of enthusiasm and perhaps a hint of worry about being liked back, but their positive outlook usually dominates any fear.

The Helper’s preparations might involve personal touches, like a small, thoughtful gift or choosing a location that their date is sure to enjoy. Their conversation may center on their date, showcasing their listening skills and genuine interest. From discussing their date’s favorite hobbies to their loved ones, Type 2’s approach is all about fostering a warm, inviting atmosphere.

Red Flags

Phrases that suggest selfishness or lack of empathy, like “I don’t care what others think,” can alarm a Type 2. They value interpersonal relationships and a considerate nature.

Good Signals

Comments such as “Your kindness is touching” or “I love helping others too” indicate understanding and appreciation for the Helper’s caring nature, which they would find reassuring.

More on type 2

Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever

The Achiever is goal-oriented and thrives on accomplishment. A first date, to them, is another exciting challenge. Their thoughts center around presenting their best self, showcasing their accomplishments and ambitions without overwhelming their date. They might feel a thrill of competition and perhaps a dose of anxiety about being impressive enough.

In preparation, they likely ensure they’re well-groomed, dressed sharply, and arrive punctually. They might plan to steer conversations towards their achievements subtly, their passion projects, or future ambitions. However, they’re also careful to engage with their date’s interests and accomplishments, recognizing the importance of mutual respect in the budding relationship.

Red Flags

For the Achiever, hearing “Why bother trying so hard?” can be disheartening, as it undermines their ambitious nature. Type 3s are focused on their goals and can perceive such an attitude as complacency.

Good Signals

However, phrases like “Your drive is inspiring” or “I admire your achievements” can be very encouraging. It shows an appreciation for their hard work and ambition.

More on type 3

Enneagram Type 4: The Individualist

The Individualist sees a first date as an opportunity to express their unique personality and connect on a deep, emotional level. They are introspective and might spend time contemplating what they wish to share about themselves and how they wish to be perceived. Their feelings could be a cocktail of anticipation and a little trepidation, fearing misunderstanding or rejection.

Their preparations might involve choosing an unconventional date spot or wearing an outfit that stands out from the crowd. Conversation topics they favor often delve into art, culture, emotions, and personal experiences. For the Individualist, a first date is less about surface-level chit-chat and more about establishing an emotional connection.

Red Flags

Hearing “Why can’t you be more like others?” can be a significant deterrent for Type 4s. They value their uniqueness and any attempt to box them into societal norms can be off-putting.

Good Signals

On the positive side, remarks such as “I admire your creativity” or “Your unique perspective is fascinating” can deeply resonate with them. These affirmations validate their individuality and emotional depth.

More on type 4

Enneagram Type 5: The Investigator

The Investigator, known for their inquisitive nature and sharp intellect, sees a first date as an intriguing puzzle. Their thoughts likely involve understanding their date’s character, potential compatibility, and what interesting insights they might share. Their feelings might be a mix of curiosity and some apprehension, given their natural desire for privacy.

In preparation, they might read up on their date’s interests or select a tranquil, low-key setting for the meeting. Their conversation topics might revolve around intellectual pursuits, theories, or fascinating trivia. For the Investigator, a successful first date involves engaging conversations and mutual learning.

Red Flags

For the Investigator, statements like “I don’t like reading” or “Who cares about details?” can be red flags. Type 5s value knowledge and curiosity, so a lack of intellectual engagement can be troubling.

Good Signals

In contrast, phrases like “I enjoy learning new things” or “Tell me more about that theory” signify intellectual stimulation and a shared love for knowledge, which the Type 5 finds appealing.

More on type 5

Enneagram Type 6: The Loyalist

The Loyalist, often wary and diligent, approaches a first date with caution and care. They might spend a lot of time contemplating the possible outcomes, their date’s intentions, and how to stay safe. Their feelings can oscillate between anticipation of a potential connection and anxiety rooted in their inherent skepticism.

Their preparations often include a safety plan, ensuring they meet in a public place and that someone knows where they’re going. Their conversations might revolve around common ground topics like shared interests or mutual friends, as this can help them feel more secure. For the Loyalist, a first date is about cautiously exploring the potential of a new relationship while ensuring they remain safe and comfortable.

Red Flags

Comments such as “I’m a free spirit, I don’t make plans” or “Rules are meant to be broken” can unsettle a Loyalist. Type 6s value security and dependability, and such a cavalier attitude might imply unreliability.

Good Signals

Hearing phrases like “I believe in loyalty” or “I’ve planned a safe route for our hike” can be a good signal for Type 6. These show a commitment to safety and stability that the Loyalist appreciates.

More on type 6

Enneagram Type 7: The Enthusiast

The Enthusiast, known for their lively spirit and adventurous heart, sees a first date as an exciting new adventure. Their thoughts are likely buzzing with the fun they’ll have, the stories they’ll share, and the potential joy this connection might bring. They might feel a sense of eagerness and perhaps some restlessness, as they’re always on the lookout for the next great experience.

Their preparations could involve planning a dynamic, fun-filled date with plenty of laughter and energy. Their conversation topics might range from their latest adventure to their next big plan, often sparking excitement and interest. For the Enthusiast, a first date is all about sharing their zest for life and seeing if their date can match their high spirits.

Red Flags

If an Enthusiast hears phrases like “I prefer routine and stability” or “Let’s not try something new,” they might see them as red flags. Type 7s are enthusiastic and crave new experiences, and a reluctance to explore could be concerning.

Good Signals

Comments such as “I love trying new things” or “I’m excited about our next adventure” will likely be welcomed, signaling a shared passion for adventure and exploration.

More on type 7

Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger

The Challenger, bold and assertive, approaches a first date with confidence and straightforwardness. They’re likely to spend time thinking about their date’s character and potential compatibility, focusing less on impressing their date and more on assessing them. They might feel a sense of excitement, coupled with determination to understand their date.

In preparation, they might plan a date that allows for open conversation, possibly at a relaxed restaurant or a quiet park. They are likely to drive the conversation towards meaningful topics, such as ambitions, personal growth, or social issues. For the Challenger, a first date is about establishing mutual respect and seeing if their date can meet them at their level.

Red Flags

Hearing “I don’t like confrontation” or “I prefer to follow the crowd” can be red flags for the Challenger. Type 8s value honesty and assertiveness, and a tendency to avoid conflict or conform may suggest incompatibility.

Good Signals

On the other hand, phrases like “I admire your courage” or “I value straightforwardness too” can be perceived as good signals, as they align with their candid nature and desire for justice.

More on type 8

Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker

The Peacemaker, easygoing and accommodating, sees a first date as an opportunity to establish harmony and understanding. They likely spend time contemplating how to ensure a smooth, pleasant experience for both parties. Their feelings might range from quiet excitement to slight worry about potential conflict.

Their preparations might involve selecting a serene, comfortable location for the date. They are likely to focus conversations on shared interests and enjoyable topics, striving to maintain a calm and peaceful atmosphere. For the Peacemaker, a first date is about fostering a sense of mutual understanding and comfort, setting the groundwork for a harmonious connection.

Red Flags

Statements such as “I enjoy a good argument” or “I don’t mind conflict” can be alarming for a Peacemaker. Type 9s seek harmony and can view such attitudes as disruptive.

Good Signals

Phrases like “I value peace and harmony” or “Let’s ensure everyone feels comfortable” are encouraging for them. These suggest a shared preference for calm and unity, which is integral to their nature.

More on type 9

Wrapping it up

As we unravel the final threads in this exploration, it should be clear how different our expectations can be, particularly on something as personal as a first date. This is just the tip of the iceberg. The Enneagram holds deeper secrets, waiting to be explored. Understanding the Enneagram means understanding yourself and those around you better. If you liked this checkout what each Enneagram type is like in a relationship

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