Read Anyone in 30 Seconds: The Enneagram Body Language Cheat Sheet
(Updated: 8/15/2025)
They've already decided about you.
10 seconds. That’s all it took.
Before you opened your mouth. Before your elevator pitch. Before your charming story.
Their Enneagram type determined exactly what they were looking for—and whether you delivered it.
- Type 8s dismissed you for weak energy
- Type 5s wrote you off for surface-level chatter
- Type 2s felt your emotional coldness
- Type 1s noticed you were 3 minutes late
You’re not failing at first impressions. You’re using the wrong playbook for their personality.
The 30-Second Personality Decoder
| What You See | Their Type | What They Need From You | Fatal First Impression Error |
|---|---|---|---|
| Checking watch, perfect posture | Type 1 | Competence signals | Being late or sloppy |
| Leaning in, warm smile | Type 2 | Emotional availability | Cold professionalism |
| Firm handshake, name-dropping | Type 3 | Respect for achievement | Not knowing who they are |
| Unique accessory, distant gaze | Type 4 | Depth recognition | Generic small talk |
| Observing quietly, minimal eye contact | Type 5 | Intellectual space | Forced emotional connection |
| Nervous energy, testing questions | Type 6 | Trustworthiness proof | Overconfidence without substance |
| Animated gestures, multiple topics | Type 7 | Energy matching | Being a downer |
| Taking up space, direct stare | Type 8 | Strength respect | Weakness or indirection |
| Agreeable nodding, soft voice | Type 9 | Non-threatening presence | Aggressive energy |
The Universal Truth Nobody Talks About
People don’t want connection. They want THEIR version of connection.
And their Enneagram type determines exactly what that looks like.
Type 1 - The Perfectionist: They’re Grading You Already
The 10-Second Test You Don’t Know You’re Taking
Body language tells:
- Scanning your appearance for effort
- Checking time obsessively
- Sitting with perfect posture
- Micro-expressions of judgment
They’re not looking for perfection. They’re looking for evidence you give a damn.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 1 If:
- They correct something small in passing
- Their workspace is suspiciously organized
- They use phrases like “the right way” or “properly”
- They physically tense at inefficiency
- They arrived 10 minutes early
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Can I respect this person’s standards?”
Their inner critic runs 24/7. If you pass their initial quality check, they relax into actual human connection.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Arrive early. Firm handshake. One specific compliment about something they’ve clearly put effort into.
Power questions that hook Type 1s:
- “What’s something you’ve improved recently that most people wouldn’t notice?”
- “How do you maintain such high standards without burning out?”
- “What’s your take on [topic]? You seem like someone who’s thought this through.”
Body language that works:
- Upright posture (mirror theirs)
- Clean, deliberate gestures
- Direct eye contact
- No fidgeting
Instant trust builders:
✓ Reference a system or process you follow
✓ Admit a mistake and how you fixed it
✓ Show appreciation for quality
✓ Keep your word on tiny things
Connection killers:
✗ Being late without acknowledgment
✗ Sloppy appearance or speech
✗ Suggesting ethical shortcuts
✗ Making excuses
Going deeper with Type 1s: Understand their inner world →
Type 2 - The Helper: They’re Reading Your Heart
The Emotional Temperature Check
Body language tells:
- Leaning in when others speak
- Touching arm while talking
- Remembering everyone’s name
- Offering help before asked
They’re not being nice. They’re scanning for emotional availability.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 2 If:
- They ask about your comfort/needs immediately
- They remember personal details from last time
- They’re connecting people to each other
- They deflect compliments reflexively
- They look physically pained when unable to help
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Am I needed here? Do they see my value?”
They’ve been earning love through service since childhood. Show them they matter beyond their usefulness.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Warm smile. Use their name twice. Ask how THEY are (and mean it).
Power questions that hook Type 2s:
- “You seem like someone who takes care of everyone—who takes care of you?”
- “What’s the most meaningful way someone’s helped you recently?”
- “How did you develop such strong emotional intelligence?”
Body language that works:
- Open posture
- Genuine facial expressions
- Appropriate touch (handshake with both hands)
- Leaning in when they speak
Instant trust builders:
✓ Accept their help graciously
✓ Share a vulnerability
✓ Notice their efforts specifically
✓ Offer to help them with something
Connection killers:
✗ All business, no warmth
✗ Rejecting their offers to help
✗ Not reciprocating personal sharing
✗ Treating them like staff
Understanding Type 2s: Why they give until it hurts →
Type 3 - The Achiever: They’re Calculating Your Value
The Success Scanner
Body language tells:
- Firm handshake with eye contact
- Checking phone frequently
- Dressed one level above occasion
- Name-dropping naturally
They’re not showing off. They’re establishing pecking order.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 3 If:
- They lead with credentials
- They ask what you do within 60 seconds
- They’re multitasking while talking
- They light up at recognition
- They have that “closing deals” energy
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Are they successful enough to be worth my time?”
Love equals achievement in their world. Show them you’re going places too.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Strong energy. Match their pace. Lead with a recent win.
Power questions that hook Type 3s:
- “What’s the biggest win you’re working toward right now?”
- “How did you build such impressive momentum?”
- “What’s your secret to getting so much done?”
Body language that works:
- Power posture
- Efficient gestures
- Time awareness
- High energy level
Instant trust builders:
✓ Recognize their achievements specifically
✓ Share your own ambitions
✓ Demonstrate competence quickly
✓ Respect their time
Connection killers:
✗ Wasting their time with rambling
✗ Not knowing who they are
✗ Low energy or ambition
✗ Questioning their success
Type 3s unmasked: Beyond the success facade →
Type 4 - The Individualist: They’re Testing Your Depth
The Authenticity Detector
Body language tells:
- Unique style choices
- Intense eye contact or none
- Dramatic hand gestures
- Visible emotional shifts
They’re not being difficult. They’re screening for depth.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 4 If:
- They cringe at small talk
- They share something deeply personal quickly
- They’re wearing something nobody else would
- They ask about feelings, not facts
- They seem slightly removed from the group
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Do they see how different I am? Can they handle my intensity?”
Ordinary feels like death to them. Show them you see their uniqueness.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Notice something unique about them. Skip the weather. Go deep fast.
Power questions that hook Type 4s:
- “What’s something you see that most people miss?”
- “When did you realize you were different?”
- “What are you creating right now?”
Body language that works:
- Authentic expressions
- Emotional availability
- Artistic gestures
- Intensity matching
Instant trust builders:
✓ Share something vulnerable
✓ Appreciate their uniqueness specifically
✓ Go beyond surface conversation
✓ Show your own depth
Connection killers:
✗ Generic compliments
✗ Forced positivity
✗ Comparing them to others
✗ Surface-level anything
The Type 4 experience: Living at emotional extremes →
Type 5 - The Investigator: They’re Analyzing Your Intelligence
The Competence Calculator
Body language tells:
- Maintaining physical distance
- Minimal eye contact
- Economical gestures
- Observing before engaging
They’re not cold. They’re conserving energy for what matters.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 5 If:
- They take long pauses before responding
- They ask precise, specific questions
- They’re in the corner at social events
- They light up at intellectual topics
- They seem to be taking mental notes
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Are they intellectually interesting enough to warrant my energy?”
Knowledge is safety. Stupidity is danger. Show them your brain first.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Respect their space. Lead with ideas, not feelings. One fascinating fact.
Power questions that hook Type 5s:
- “What are you researching lately?”
- “What’s your take on [complex topic]?”
- “Have you noticed [interesting observation]?”
Body language that works:
- Respectful distance
- Minimal gestures
- Calm energy
- No touching
Instant trust builders:
✓ Share unique knowledge
✓ Respect their boundaries
✓ Ask for their expertise
✓ Give them processing time
Connection killers:
✗ Invading personal space
✗ Emotional overwhelm
✗ Demanding immediate responses
✗ Anti-intellectual attitudes
Inside Type 5s: The fortress of the mind →
Type 6 - The Loyalist: They’re Testing Your Trustworthiness
The Safety Assessment
Body language tells:
- Nervous energy
- Scanning environment
- Testing questions
- Loyalty displays
They’re not paranoid. They’re pattern-matching for danger.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 6 If:
- They ask lots of “what if” questions
- They mention past betrayals
- They’re checking your consistency
- They show strong group loyalty
- They seem anxious but engaged
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Can I trust them? What’s their agenda?”
The world proved dangerous early. Show them you’re safe through consistency.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Calm presence. Consistent behavior. No sudden moves.
Power questions that hook Type 6s:
- “What helps you know who to trust?”
- “How do you stay grounded when things get uncertain?”
- “Who’s in your inner circle?”
Body language that works:
- Steady, predictable movements
- Reassuring tone
- Open, honest expressions
- Consistent energy
Instant trust builders:
✓ Be transparent about intentions
✓ Show loyalty to others
✓ Keep small promises
✓ Acknowledge their concerns
Connection killers:
✗ Inconsistent stories
✗ Dismissing their worries
✗ Overconfidence without substance
✗ Pressuring for quick trust
Type 6 anxiety patterns: From fear to security →
Type 7 - The Enthusiast: They’re Measuring Your Fun Factor
The Energy Evaluator
Body language tells:
- Animated everything
- Multiple conversation threads
- Restless movement
- Infectious laughter
They’re not scattered. They’re optimizing for maximum life experience.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 7 If:
- They’re planning five things simultaneously
- They pivot topics rapidly
- They’re the loudest laugher
- They suggest spontaneous adventures
- They physically can’t sit still
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Will they add to my life or drain it?”
Boredom equals death. Pain equals danger. Be their dopamine hit.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Match their energy. Share something exciting. Suggest possibilities.
Power questions that hook Type 7s:
- “What’s the most exciting thing in your life right now?”
- “What adventure is next on your list?”
- “Have you tried [exciting experience]?”
Body language that works:
- High energy
- Expressive gestures
- Genuine smiles
- Movement and animation
Instant trust builders:
✓ Match their enthusiasm
✓ Share exciting ideas
✓ Be spontaneous
✓ Keep things light initially
Connection killers:
✗ Being a downer
✗ Limiting their options
✗ Getting too heavy too fast
✗ Killing their ideas
The Type 7 paradox: Running from pain into it →
Type 8 - The Challenger: They’re Testing Your Strength
The Power Assessment
Body language tells:
- Taking up space
- Direct, unblinking stare
- Firm everything
- Protective positioning
They’re not intimidating you. They’re checking if you can handle them.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 8 If:
- They test you with confrontation
- They respect pushback
- They protect the underdog
- They speak in absolutes
- They radiate “don’t fuck with me” energy
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “Are they strong enough to be trusted?”
Weakness invites predators. Show them your spine.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Strong handshake. Direct eye contact. Stand your ground.
Power questions that hook Type 8s:
- “What battle are you fighting right now?”
- “Who do you respect and why?”
- “What injustice pisses you off most?”
Body language that works:
- Power posture
- Direct gaze
- Firm gestures
- No shrinking
Instant trust builders:
✓ Stand up to them respectfully
✓ Show protective instincts
✓ Be direct, no games
✓ Demonstrate competence
Connection killers:
✗ Weakness or waffling
✗ Manipulation attempts
✗ Excessive emotion
✗ Going behind their back
Type 8 vulnerability: The soft heart under armor →
Type 9 - The Peacemaker: They’re Ensuring Harmony
The Comfort Checker
Body language tells:
- Soft, agreeable presence
- Mirroring your energy
- Avoiding confrontation
- Inclusive gestures
They’re not passive. They’re managing everyone’s comfort.
You Might Be Talking to a Type 9 If:
- They agree with everything
- They deflect from themselves
- They mediate conflicts naturally
- They seem to disappear in groups
- They have that “human Xanax” energy
The Hidden Psychology
What they’re really thinking: “How do I keep everyone comfortable?”
Conflict means disconnection. Help them feel safe to exist.
Your 60-Second Playbook
Opening move: Gentle energy. No pressure. Create space for them to emerge.
Power questions that hook Type 9s:
- “What’s your take when you have time to think?”
- “What do YOU actually want?”
- “When do you feel most yourself?”
Body language that works:
- Relaxed posture
- Gentle movements
- Patient presence
- No aggressive energy
Instant trust builders:
✓ Give them time to respond
✓ Ask their opinion specifically
✓ Create comfortable silence
✓ Appreciate their calming presence
Connection killers:
✗ Forcing quick decisions
✗ Creating conflict
✗ Ignoring their presence
✗ Aggressive energy
Finding Type 9s: The invisible peacekeeper →
Your First Impression Cheat Sheet
The 10-Second Read
Look for these instant tells:
- Energy level - High (3,7,8) vs Low (4,5,9) vs Controlled (1,2,6)
- Eye contact - Intense (4,8) vs Minimal (5,9) vs Searching (1,2,3,6,7)
- Physical space - Invading (2,8) vs Protecting (5,6) vs Neutral (1,3,4,7,9)
- Speaking style - Rapid (3,7) vs Measured (1,5) vs Responsive (2,6,9) vs Intense (4,8)
The Universal First Impression Hack
When in doubt:
- Mirror their energy level
- Respect their space preferences
- Match their emotional temperature
- Ask about what lights them up
The Science Behind Instant Connection
MIT research shows: We make 11 major decisions about someone in the first 7 seconds.
What the Enneagram reveals: Those decisions are filtered through our type’s core fear and desire.
- Type 1s scan for: Competence
- Type 2s scan for: Warmth
- Type 3s scan for: Success
- Type 4s scan for: Depth
- Type 5s scan for: Intelligence
- Type 6s scan for: Safety
- Type 7s scan for: Fun
- Type 8s scan for: Strength
- Type 9s scan for: Peace
Give them what they’re scanning for, and the door opens.
Your Action Plan
- This week: Identify three people’s types using the tells above
- Test it: Use their type’s playbook in your next interaction
- Notice: How the conversation shifts when you speak their language
- Advanced move: Share this with someone and guess each other’s types
The person across from you isn’t mysterious.
They’re predictable—once you know their type.
Stop using generic approaches. Start speaking their emotional language.
First impressions aren’t about being liked. They’re about being understood.
Master all 9 types: See how each type works a room →